What a way to start 2014.  I haven’t seen a movie this asinine in a long time.  I’m not messing around anymore: no intro, no segways, no beating-around-the-bush.  This movie isn’t pulling any punches, and neither will I.

First of all, who’s idea was this?  At what point did anyone think that this movie was a good idea?  I can only picture a board meeting, in which the writers of this movie had a deadline to meet, and pulled the worst idea they possibly could out of the deepest and least creative recesses of their brains.  Frankenstein’s monster, fighting demons and gargoyles.  That’s the best cheap, lets-make-a-quick-buck idea you could come up with?  And then, they constructed a plot-hole filled premise around it, without a care for logic or reason.  The plot concerns the monster, Adam, tossed into a war between demons and gargoyles.  The leader of the demons wants Adam, or Frankenstein’s journal in which he chronicled the creating of his monster, to make an army of soul-less monsters whom his demons can posses.

When Adam first meets the gargoyles, they inform him of the secret war, which the humans know nothing about.  However, there are numerous scenes in which the gargoyles, while fighting of the demons, fly into cars, buildings, and other heavy objects.  When a demon dies, a pillar of flame forms, and one of light when a gargoyle ascends to heaven.  How have these people kept this war a secret from anybody?  The demons, who run a scientific corporation in order to reanimate their new bodies, have hired TWO PEOPLE to figure out this advanced science.  And they are so blatantly evil, that the head of the corporation has a custom made metal tea-bag, with spikes on it.  So, since the scientists need to reanimate a body, the demons need either Adam or the book.  They retrieve the book, which is quickly stolen back by Adam, only to have him allow one of the scientists to read it literally minutes later.  I hope this paints a good picture as to how insultingly dumb this film is.

The action is a poorly constructed mess, involving bad camera work and a lack of focus.  Things happen in a blur, giving the viewer no time to get a grasp on anything that is happening.  And the acting is a joke, a clear paycheck for any of the involved celebrities who will soon hope that everyone who saw this film is quick to forget it.  Characters barely exist; the movie doesn’t allow for any kind of connection to people through dialogue or sensible action, so the audience grows no attachment to anyone.

I have no positive points to make, unless you count that I had no expectations going in, so I wasn’t disappointed.  I was expecting a bad film, but was no where near prepared for this.  Stay away.